Birthday in Solitude

 

Every birthday I think of doing something new, yet end up doing nothing. It has perhaps become my birthday ritual to spend time with a couple of my friends.  I wanted to break this ritual this year.  I decided to clad myself in the apparels of solitude.

The idea of the solo trip on my birthday had popped in my mind the very last night. It was not a novel idea, I have always wanted to go for one.  I decided to go to Gokarna which was of a 10 hours bus or train journey. Since it was a very impromptu trip, there was not much of a meticulous plan. I decided not to tell anyone except for my friend Iba because I knew she had some surprise plans, and I didn’t really want to disappoint her.  "Are you crazy Ashna? A solo trip amidst this crisis? India is not a safe place. Ashna and you don’t even know their local language!"

I don’t think I quite comprehended what the move was going to entail. Fear did cripple me from the insides but I knew I needed this. The past few months had sucked so much energy out of me and left me completely drained. Juggling up between school , studies, some stupid health camps to cooking for myself, managing my own chores, I was having a hard time syncing up with all. I was on a roller coaster of ill health, extreme emotions and utter exhaustion. I had lost around 10 kgs of weight in a matter of few months. Each cell of my body was dessicated.  I knew I had to unwind myself in solitude so as to get in sync with myself.

The moment I reached there, I was imbued with a resolute sense of power and freedom. I was super excited to go to the beach. After checking in to the hostel I had booked, I rushed to the Gokarna Main beach. There were four other beaches; Om beach, Paradise beach, Half-Moon beach and Kudle beach which were on my list. I am not gonna write about where/how I went to all these places. The trip was supposed to be for 2 nights and 3 days but had to stretch it to 3 nights because I was having an incredible time. The first few hours kind of glued me to my phone since I was getting too many calls, texts for my birthday and everyone felt weird with the idea of being alone in birthday but trust me it made so much sense to me. 

Sitting in front of the beach barefoot with the full moon overlooking is close to the best one can get.  The sound of the roaring waves break, jostling and hitting one after another ammasing themselves and spreading swiftly to the shore was immensely invigorating. I just couldn’t stop ruminating and realized how I had a tenuous grasp on reality over so many things as I took a saunter along the beach. The cold breeze was calming the cacophony of emotions. I had lost track of the time. It was already 2 AM. I went back to the hostel and again the next morning went to a hill to chase early sunrise. The caremalization of everything under the sun made it spectacular. I don’t want to go in detail about the whole schedule. In short, the whole trip fuelled me up and instilled so much sense into me. Sometimes getting out of the cocoon of room and embracing solitude can help you reframe and reckon with parts of ourselves.